into the fray

stalled out for a few. didn't know what to do. wrote about haters, everybody against me, got mopey but didn't yell, all this after two, three weeks of intensely constant activity which i described. didn't update my correspondence or even read my mail for more than a week. finished the plumbing job and went out to lunch with the guy, drinking beers before and after noon, twice what even i'm accustumed, practicing kung fu for a change, and meditating a little, working towards routine, alone, discussing solitude
monday, the guy stopped by, we had lunch, drank, talked, i had slept, then did the dishes, then made cookie batter, baked them in the toaster while we made lunch, crispy buttery choco chips from Joy of, black and white chips, then after he took off, did a chore, wrote about math, then busied myself with dinner, cooking, said nothing while we ate, so as not to bother anybody, just watched my thoughts inside me, feeling ok, all pleasant, a bit woozy, but you gotta deal
tuesday
following plan, woke and got up when she was leaving, saw her off, hustled myself ready, dressed, things together, bounced 300 times, and out the door, radio on, driving, slow route, 5 miles south and two east, cafe, pancakes, they gave me lemon ricotta bonus, wrote ten pages on math, sat in slightly hot car doing my accounts, drove to ikea, dropped off battery and bulb for recycling, bought set of pans, stainless with thick bottoms, glass lids, three nested together, ten dollars, that i'd promised her, and basket for index cards, shallow, wide, and grey muslin napkins, four for seven dollars, parked at the end of the lot for walking, headed for home depot, parked at the end of sam's club lot, in a nice bit of shade, like being in the forest, took a bag in with me, bought drawer rails, rejecting the fifteen dollar set, buying the six dollar set, which is like a puzzle, the whole project is, grommet set, seemingly the third time i've bought one, planning a place to put it where i'll be able to find it, buying jumbo size over medium or small, for making bags from old pants, bought the bulbs for the lamp in the kitchen
broke from writing to do morning bounces, update links on web map, sweep spiders, noted while bouncing
bought iron stakes for fence work, per the guy's excelent suggestion, big honking ones with holes already drilled for bolting things on, and heavy black coating, and i'll see if the guy has a big hammer for that, but i'm sure he does, in his neat as a pin workshop. headed for a break at starbucks, hesitating in the parking lot for five, not sure what to do, settled in after parking under another tree (radio: hot for a day, then cool again for a good long spell) with a smallish coffee (one day it's huge, the next it's small, as i always ask for a china cup and, causing the kids endless confusion, but they soldier on) and an apple fritter, and write a poem. stopping to wash the carriage, then over to whole foods fascist market, but it's where i shop, bulk chocolate chips so i don't buy a bag (at home, the receipt says "malt swtnd" ... true?), three wines after being tempted by sale, so, two nice bottles at 4.99 each (at good old trader joe's all the wines are less than that), a real bottle of cream from sonoma, butter from same dairy, a fancy shmancy salami, a magnum of christmas ale marked down now, still a few of them left, guys, a big bottle of cheap but good vinegar for cleaning, three dollars, and seven stunning red potatoes, also from the nocal hills, total bill a not so cheap eighty dollars
home, then. multipple trips up filthy berry strewn path with bags. moving stuff around on cluttered kitchen counter to make room, storing items in garage, on gazebo, it takes me an hour to get everything stashed, trying all the while to organize my index cards, with all my to do notes in various categories, constantly moving from one thing to another, thinking, this is more than interesting, and i should write about the hundred things i just did, but now, writing, can't remember what they were. all done, it's late, and i'm starting dinner, putting mirin in the skillet, and soy sauce, and water, and bringing them to a simmer, and adding sliced shiitake, and slices of tofu, and she's home, and she adds bits of kombu, and two dried fish, and pretty peas from her garden, and they all simmer, and the leftover rice is warming in the pan, and the precious new year black soy beans, cooked with syrup, in another, and she's saying "this is really, really japanese," and i'm drinking kirsch because i've had two beers already and can't find my apple jack, and it's smooth (straight from serbia, tasting of bubble gum), and she washes up while i make desert and chatter, and we have our bath, and i stay up finishing my accounts, and the two boy cats are on my bed, and i sleep. then, towards morning, i dream i am in a round house, with my folks, everybody, and pearce, too, and this guy, who has build a dam in the massive river, heroically, not to impound the waters of inundation, but for a sacred purpose, and, looking at his work, i'm weeping, and everyone is sympathetic, then the guy goes outside and sets up a big hullabaloo (for all his heroism, he's a big goof), about the big party across the way, how it must be countered, and there are beautiful colors on the big tent, so i'm wondering why, but i go over there with them, and the guy's pissed i won't make a fuss, but i leap all the way down into the arena, in one bound, and start helping the folks and calming them down. "next to the i section," i observe, "is the iY section." means nothing, but fun. i remember now: completely on impulse i went into action and did the full tai chi set, noting the time, and thus that it took me - concentrating - 15 minutes. that's why i was able to make that big leap, in my dream